I am the weirdest person I know.

Get to know me a little better ;)

1. There can be tons of food in the pantry, but I will find nothing that sounds appetizing.

2. I WILL NOT eat food that is one day over the "best by" date. And I'm sketchy about left overs.

3. I will only eat fish if I am drunk...but it still has to be cooked and marinated or seasoned like crazy

4. I have more underwear than the average woman, but I can always justify buying more in a heartbeat.

5. I diagnosed myself with agoraphobia and I believe 100% that if I had money to pay a doctor for an office visit and treatment that he would also diagnose me with it as well.

6. I am terrified of what is in the dark. I normally don't leave my house after it gets dark unless I'm with someone.

7. Sirens of any sort will give me anxiety on the spot.

8. I dance in my bathroom all the time when I get ready, I hope Maycee does the same. It's a good way to start your day. :)

9. I brush my teeth with hot water, because I don't feel that cold water cleans them as well. I mean, do you wash your dishes with cold water? And if you do, I will never eat at your house.

10. If I knew I wouldn't look like a retard or regret it when I was older, I would rock a half sleeve tattoo.

11. I hate the sound of kissing. I think it is disgusting.

12. I can organize the shit out of a messy room in an hour, but if you give me a math problem with numbers and letters I will stare at it all day wondering who the hell brought the letters into math anyway.

13. I find myself organizing store merchandise in stores while I'm shopping.

14. Every time I have to take a pill, I think for a millisecond that I am going to choke on the pill and die. I hate taking pills!

15. Talking to me while I'm driving is not a smart thing to do if you want me to retain any information. I watch people/cars like crazy when I drive.

16. I change clothes at least 3 times a day. And before I go out it is IMPOSSIBLE to find the right outfit on the first try. I always find something wrong with what I am wearing so I have to change.

17. Pretty sure I have a slight addiction to carbonation.

18. I won't buy a pair of pants that cost more than $20 (unless it's a special occasion) but I will buy shampoo and conditioner that costs $30. The shit women do for their hair.

19. I save THE DUMBEST things/knickknacks.

20. I talk to myself, all the time. And I really believe it honestly eliminates some stress. :)

21. I don't believe I have ever finished a whole tube of lip gloss before IN MY LIFE.

22. I lose my phone or keys at least 5 times a day.

23. When I watch football or baseball, I get into it just like a man.

24. I trip, almost fall, almost or do walk into things, or hit myself with an object on a daily basis.

25. If I have a bad feeling about something, I always trust it and it has saved me A LOT in the past. I don't give into "peer pressure" or let people make me feel guilty about things. I am one of the most stubborn people I know. But I am careful and cautious for 2 reasons, I have a child to raise and be here for, and I am terrified of getting into trouble with the law.

...and I'm sure this is only the beginning.

In the past hour, I have gone to hell and back with a certain almost 18 month old. She Sssh'd me while she was in the tub, she bit me on the shoulder-she always hugs me after her bath like 20 times while I get her ready for bed. NORMALLY I love the hugs...not this time. She broke the skin and it has a blood pool under it. And now I'm afraid to let her hug me. Ok back to the list of bad behavior. She has smacked herself HARD and laughed and then kept doing it (WTF?) She hit me repeatedly and I hit her back (not too hard, obviously because SHE LAUGHED), She tried biting my leg, and she has torn apart the DVDs twice now, after I have sat her down and told her no and even tried to distract her with a book.

Our poor kitty who has only been here 2 days now probably thinks my kid is the devil. She attempts to sit on her ALL the time. She thinks its funny to try and pin Izzy's tail under her foot, She has kicked her while she is trying to sleep, and I think this made me the most sorry for the cat, she pulled her off of the shelf by her ears. I seriously have a hellion child tonight. This is THE worst night as a parent so far. This trumps the first night home from the hospital, and the worst teething night EVER. I have never said NO MAYCEE RAE! more in a whole day than I have in this past hour. I really can't wait for 8:30...I don't normally calm myself with alcohol....but I'm thinking a bottle of wine should be reasonable at this point.

Jewelry, Hair Brushes, & Toilets

Maycee Rae came home a little early. Which I never complain about. However, the mess she successfully made tonight was uncalled for. We thought she was in her room watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse....since she threw a fit while eating because I took her away from her show.

I heard a pretty loud crashing noise but no cry so I assumed it was her toy box falling over, But then I heard something else and I realized it just didn't sound right. Still no cry though. She saw me walk in the room and walked over to me like she was proud.

Look what I did GRANDMA!! I finally got into your jewelry box without you stopping me!

Ot ooooh, someone needs a new brush!

How I Function These Days.

So, you all know what split custody means...and if you don't...well, then you may want to google that shit. Any who, I usually don't have Mace on the weekends starting on Saturday until Monday...but in this weeks case it's until Tuesday. Needless to say, I'm losing my mind. I wake up in the middle of the night and SWEAR I hear her whimpering/talking in her crib, then I realize I'm just a nutcase and that she is not even here.

I don't really know what it's like to use my time for me anymore, even when Maycee isn't here. It's like I feel guilty doing anything for myself, even taking a nice hot bubble bath. I think about her non stop. I have slept with her favorite blanket and her "Ammy" (Sammy) turtle before (Mimmie-minnie mouse, is a hard toy or I would probably invite her to the slumber party as well). I watch video's of her from when she was a day old to now, on my ipod for endless amounts of time. I'm her biggest fan. It's true. I pity any boys who want me to share her (but that is EONS away, so I can relax).

How many of you are sick of me talking about how much I love being a mom or love my princess? Well, either get used to it, or stop reading my blog....and you may want to delete me on FB :) Because this is my life. And it revolves around a 29 inch tall mini me, only she is absolutely perfect.

Maycee's Obsessions

1. Being naked, all the time.

2. Staring at her self or finding my ipod and going to the camera and taking pictures of herself.

3. Minnie Mouse, lord help us if we lose her.

4. Order. I don't really know how to describe this as one set thing, but she is a very orderly child. Things must face or sit a certain way. She will perfect them/it NO MATTER WHAT, if you try to help her. (you may call it a form of OCD, I call it adorable.)

5. Folding. This kind of goes with #4, but she loves to fold rags and towels. And they will entertain her for a good amount of time. Long enough for me to actually go potty BY MYSELF. If your a parent, you understand that going to the bathroom alone is a mini vacation.

6. Me. She will come find me just to make sure I didn't leave her. She will do this and then ignore me completely when I talk to her.

7. Baby Food. The child WILL not eat much of anything else besides this. Yes it is very healthy for her, but in a couple of ways it's bad for mommy's sanity. It's extremely inconvenient and it's expensive when you compare it to stuff that you can actually buy in bulk and make meals of.

8. Lids, of any sort. She will lick them and stick them back in the drawer. I have a weirdo on my hands. JUST WAIT, it gets better.

9. Baby wipes and paper. She isn't the typical rip shit into pieces kind of kid, she is interested in eating them. I'm constantly saying "get that out of your mouth please" or "give mommy the wipe please". It's just odd in my mind.

10. My boobs. I don't know why this started, but it was tolerable until the obsession was introduced outside our home. I will be carrying her in public and before I know it she is reaching down my shirt. Or on a slightly modest day, she will settle for groping me outside of my shirt. Either way it is really awkward to deal with.

When you least expect it.....you're expecting.

September 2, 2010, I woke up feeling a little weird. I started thinking, and thinking more, I think way to much most of the time. Then I thought to myself, self you are 5 days late, and you're feeling really irritable, TIRED, you're a bottomless pit, and you are LATE. That magical word that can either turn your stomach into knots or make you so excited that you run to the store and grab 10 different tests. Well lucky for me, I had 2 clear blue digitals in my drawer. 

It was still pretty early in the morning so I grabbed the test, stuck it inside my shirt and snuck into the bathroom. Why did I stick it in my shirt? Well in order to get to the bathroom I had to pass the doorway to the living room where my mother was sitting. There was no way I was letting her see what I was carrying into the bathroom. So I did my business and the hour glass blinked about 5 times and there it was "positive". For a second I really did think I was seeing shit. I stared at that thing for probably 5 straight minutes, while my life flashed before my eyes. Still in shock I decided I could hurry and grab the other one and see what it says. Because for some reason I actually thought the 1st one was lying. 

So I made my way to my room, grabbed the other one, ran back to the bathroom with it in my right hand so mom still couldn't see and like 20 seconds later this one said "positive". Yes I sat there for a minute again thinking about anything and everything. But again my brain was still not convinced I was pregnant. So I went back into my room, called my friend Shawna (she lived like a block away) told her that I'm probably pregnant but I'm still going to Walmart to get a few more tests and going to her house. 

And of course the day I decide to shop for pregnancy tests, Walmart is ridiculously populated. This time I got the first response ones that have the neat lines. Why that matters, I don't know. Maybe I thought a different test would give me a negative result.  

As soon as I get there she is grinning from ear to ear, while I'm about to cry all the tears my body will allow. I take 2 more, positive, and positive. I think at that point I'm just pissed at God. Like he is pranking me or something...Why should he be to blame though. I'm the idiot who obviously wasn't being very careful. Well and the other person who helped in the matter.

My dear friend Cortney told me to go to Poky and we could talk about this little predicament. While i'm there I decide to take the last test for shits and giggles....but that was pointless. When you're pregnant, YOU'RE FREAKIN PREGNANT! I bawled, and laughed thanks to Cort. While I was there I had her call my brother Jason and tell him because I couldn't spit the words out. He reacted how I thought a father would react to that kind of news, I got quite the lecture but in the end he told me I would be fine.  Which I really appreciated, since the world was ending in my mind! Everyone reacted completely different than I thought they would (family wise).

September 3, 2010

I was getting ready for school. Normally I am somewhat talkative in the morning. But I kept to myself and like mothers do, my mom caught on to it. She asked me if everything was ok on the drive to school, then again on the bus to RFC, and I told her some BS story to settle her mind until I could find the balls to tell her the truth. Since she had once told me that if I got pregnant when I was not financially ready, I was, well....... dead. 

Sitting in computer class I realize I just need to do it. So I turn to her and before I can even get a word out she says "Chanelle what is going on, I know there is something wrong, don't lie to me." So I start to tear up and I tell her to get on the email chat. I'm pretty sure I just typed "i'm pregnant" and she turned to me with tears in her eyes and typed something back. I remember her saying that we would get through it but nothing else. After class she went down to the commons area outside, while I called my dad to tell him the news. His response was probably the most shocking. I think it was something like "Yeah I have been waiting for you to tell me this for awhile." Ha ha ha. I asked him to elaborate a little and he told me that I have always been excited to be a mom and he just wasn't surprised. Well, now I was about to become a mom and I was a far cry from excited. I was still shitting bricks because I still had to tell the two most important people in my life, my grandparents.

Well the day that I had decided to tell my grandparents was the day of the EISF parade. I remember them coming into the kitchen and saying hello and I just started crying and pretended it was something else. My grandma also brought her AMAZING chili and as soon as I smelled it, I wanted to puke. I was so pissed that this little baby I was growing inside me HATED chili. W T F. We went to the parade and came home and I told my mom that I just couldn't do it. She supported my decision and we waited until the family reunion on September 12th to tell them. Well there was no we. I still couldn't do it. We went for a walk and I started to cry.....this became a regular thing. So mom stopped us and said "Chanelle is pregnant". My grandma's face was priceless. She had a grin from ear to ear and she said "Your going to have a BABY!" I thought for sure she would start crying and say "Oh lordy, what are we gonna do with you?" Then I looked up at my grandpa and I see a tear in his eye and it slowly dripped down his cheek. I didn't know what to do. He wouldn't say a word. And to this day, I honestly don't know if he said anything at all. I just remember him pulling me in for a hug while we both sobbed our hearts out together.

It's funny how the two people I was most terrified of telling are the two people that would do anything for me and ESPECIALLY for Maycee. I am so very blessed to have the family that I do. All of my siblings supported me and made sure that if I needed anything, that I got it. My true friends stood by me, and were amazing when it came to gossip. Because obviously when this kinda news hits American Falls it gets turned into quite the story. I found out who I could and could not trust really fast. Who knew getting pregnant would bring out the worst in some people. But if it wasn't for Maycee, I would still have some not so great people in my life. I am forever grateful that God was not pranking me, and that he gave me my little angel. She is my world.